Fifty

In a few short months, I’ll turn 50 and have to decide whether to embrace or resist whatever midlife crisis awaits, depending on whether a convertible is involved or not. Like most people, I’ve had a life of ups and downs, which, in my case, have averaged out to “pretty good.” I’ve learned a thing or two, failed a few times, succeeded some, and still haven’t learned things that I probably should have. I humbly share a few of these lessons with you, not to impart wisdom, but to help you see yourself in my experiences. Despite our uniqueness, I continue to believe we’re more similar than we are different.

Things Learned

1. Your inner child never leaves you, for better or worse. Despite my outward appearance, I still laugh at childish jokes, still want to be liked, and still struggle with insecurity daily. During the past few years, I have started to care less if people like me, and am saddled with much less insecurity than my 18-year-old self was.

2. Things do get better. This old cliché has tended to hold true for me. I’ve gotten through every rough patch in my life (so far 🤞), through luck, effort, help, or some combination thereof. For about 20 years, my family was in considerable debt. It was manageable most of the time, but it felt like something we’d be burdened with forever. Finally, in early 2020, we were able to sell our house after 15 years, and make enough of a profit to pay off our debt entirely. It was a combination of strategy, luck, and timing. (Then the pandemic hit. No correlation. Probably.)

3. Age is just a number, but time is very real. Mentally, I still feel 18 in many ways. My gray hair and aching joints say differently, though. Time shapes you, both mentally and physically, but there’s no rulebook that says you have to act your age. You can be responsible, take care of yourself and the people around you, and still be a goober.

4. Mental health shouldn’t be stigmatized. I avoided treatment for depression and anxiety for much longer than I should have. Once I learned that anxiety and depression were real health conditions, and I got treatment, I realized that what I thought was “normal”—a near-constant state of heightened anxiety or depression—wasn’t. Life didn’t have to be that way. Thank goodness; that’s no way to live! Mental and physical health are inextricably linked; if one suffers, so does the other. Tackling your mental health struggles head on shows strength, not weakness or submission. It’s actually a great health hack!

5. You’re going to screw up your kid(s). Make peace with this right now. Despite your best efforts, your less desirable traits will manifest as your child grows. Despite trying to model better behavior, you’ll still end up scratching your head wondering how they ended up with your neuroses, anxiety, and other things you don't love about yourself. You'll be glad you put aside money for their therapy. You did set money aside for their therapy… right?

6. Your kids will make you immensely proud. While you’ll pass down some of your less desirable traits to your children, you’ll also pass down the best parts of both you and your partner. Seeing the best parts of each of you combined into your offspring is what makes the challenging experience of child-rearing worth every single moment of exasperation, and every tear shed.

There you have it. See you again in another 50 years—wait, I just did the math, let’s shoot for 25 instead.

I’d love to hear some learnings from those of you reading this who are hovering around the half-century mark!